I'm really nervous right now. My first college class in four years starts tomorrow and even though it's zero credit math, I am terrified. I don't know why I think I've always been terrified of college, it's as if somehow I'm going to suddenly find out that I'm not as smart as I have always thought I was. I see all of these people with degrees and I think to myself, "my god if they can do it I sure as hell can", but now that I'm actually going back to school, again, I'm am petrified. What if I can't? What if I'm really an idiot and I've been kidding myself all of these years?
I started college at OSU in 2000 and I should have graduated in 2004. I used my partner's illness as an excuse to drop out in 2003. I could have finished, I was a Junior but I was terrified of taking my basics so I dropped out.
I went back the first time in 2006. I had a car wreck and used that as an excuse to quit again, I was commuting after all. Oddly enough Wynn was commuting with me and she was able to finish school despite the car wreck, even though it was our only car.
And now here it is 2010 ten years almost to the day that I started college the first time and I'm trying again. I have to finish this time, I have to, but I'm terrified that I won't. I'm afraid that I will start skipping class again or not doing my homework.
Wynn and my boss have done everything they can do to make sure that I finish this time. Wynn bought a second car and has decided that we will stay in Tulsa, get a house and sell the Airstream. My boss was able to arrange an awesome work schedule for me.
Now it's up to me, I hope I don't let them down.
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